Appointments, tears, positivity, a mission and two beautiful pink lines. The journey to my positive.
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Babies…
Why did I think it would be so easy?
like I could decide I was ready and that would be it. In a few months I would be pregnant.
Unfortunately, it didn’t happen like that.
Time went by. Each month I would get myself so excited.. But then nothing. The stark white tests began getting harder to handle.
I began thinking maybe it wasn’t going to happen for us.
It seemed like everyone was falling pregnant and having babies. I was so happy for them. (But at night it felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart.)
I became a little obsessive. Reading stories about people trying to conceive, different pregnancy symptoms and trying to fit them to the non existent ‘symptoms’ I was having. I downloaded an app and even started taking my temperature in the morning.
I decided it was time to go to the doctors. I was referred to the hospital to be tested for polycystic ovarian syndrome. (PCOS) The thought of an internal examination made my knees turn to jelly.
The day of the appointment: I sat in the waiting room. My palms began to feel clammy, I was clutching onto my bag not knowing what to expect.. embarrassed almost.
I was called into the room. I must of looked nervous as one of the women put her hand on my shoulder. That’s when I heard a voice say
“You’ve definitely got PCOS.” (My eyes filled up, I blinked continuously trying to make the tears go away.)
I booked another appointment with the doctor. What did this mean for us… could we have a baby?
A bit of positivity..
Lots of people with PCOS go on to have children. It’s hard work but there’s a chance we could conceive naturally. Exercise is the best way to get everything moving.
Motivation kicks in…
ok.. if exercise is what I need to do, exercise is what I will do!
I went home on a mission!
I began going on an exercise bike every other night, I did yoga when I wasn’t on the bike. We walked all over the Peak District and did a 10K walk for charity. (Yes I ended up with blisters from wearing the wrong size shoes (OUCH!) Yes the last mile was pretty much a crawl, but we had so much fun!)
it was extremely difficult trying to adjust insulin to my new routine. Trying not to go low during or after a session. I was testing my bloods around 6 or 7 times a day and working full time.
After around a week it began to slot into place. I felt alive again. (I did have to get my partner to join in with yoga to keep the motivation going!)
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And then Bang
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My Nan passed away. The world was ripped from under my feet. No matter what the last few weeks or months are like, it’s always to soon.
Along with family we went to visit the places she grew up. I asked my Nan for help. (I believed she could hear me.)
♡♡♡
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5 weeks later…
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My other half came home early from work throwing up. I joked and said he was getting my morning sickness. (My blood sugar had been running higher than normal, especially on the evenings, I guess this had been my very first sign, along side painful stomach cramps.) I had to take a test!
I sat with the test in hand. Counted to thirty and looked down. Almost holding my breath. Wait.. wait a minute. Is that a second line? Is that a beautiful second line? I went dancing across the kitchen into my partner.. “No? No? Really, are you sure?” I’d placed the test on the floor, he came in with me to look.
Trying not to get our Hope’s up. “I can see 2 lines but it’s only faint. Do another one tomorrow to make sure.”
Could I wait?
I did one that night.. I did one the following day. They all had two beautiful pink lines!
“We did it my love!” He said.
We didn’t know what to do with ourselves.. it was like we had itchy feet, full of overwhelming excitement.
And so it begins.
Welcome to our fairytale…
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