College, denial, a step back, love and gaining control. Welcome to my crazy diagnosis.
_____________
x
I’m very lucky to have always been surrounded by love. The first person to pick up on the many signals,
my screaming, wilting pancreas was giving out
was my auntie (well one of those aunties that isn’t actually your auntie.) We worked together. As I was on my break, she would walk through the canteen to start her shift.
Over the weeks she noticed more and more drinks appearing around me. One Sunday I was surrounded by four empty bottles at my table.
(I remember feeling embarrassed drinking so much.. why am I just so thirsty!!)
It felt like it went straight through me, I was having to constantly go to the toilet. Completely unlike me! She spoke to my Mum who said I’d been drinking gallons at night.
(Hmmm could it be diabetes?)
They decided I should just pop to the chemist and get a quick test.
(Needles are you kidding me. I don’t think so.)
______________________________
The signals from my idle pancreas soon began to show themselves at college.
I specifically remember one day. We were setting up for treatments when the colour drained out of me, I felt hot, exceptionally hot, sweaty almost. The lecturer came over and told me to get something sweet
(Oh no that dreaded word again.. have you been tested for diabetes)
brushing it off (on the outside at least,) I grabbed my friend and we wandered off in search of chocolate..
Bang, bang, bang.
I fell down the stairs (god I felt silly! I could picture the security guards having a giggle) I jumped up quick and dusted myself off. Of course my friend was crying with laughter, I began to laugh too.
______________________________
Well college had finished, I decided to apply to work as a therapist on a cruise ship.
(How amazing, getting to see the world and work at the same time.)
I arrived in the morning to try out. First we had to do a treatment and then sell something (a bottle, anything we could get our hands on really.) To a room full of everyone also applying for the job. (I wont lie, I was anxious.) At the end of the day we were all called upstairs. Called in one by one, each person coming out saying they hadn’t got it. Only a handful of us left. We were all called in together and told we did it, We had got the job! Jesus did I feel happy.
My adventure was about to begin.
_
Skip it forward a few months.
_
The day was here to travel to London for my training, my parents and brother took me down. I was staying in a hostel with the other trainees
(I knew my parents didnt want to leave me, but they didn’t say a word. Just encouragement… Well see you soon, you’ll be great.)
______________________________
The first day was here. Up at 5. Bus for 6 and in to find out what the process was, I remember sitting listening, struggling to keep my eyes open. (Putting it down to lack of sleep, being up early, being somewhere new)
Day 2. Arriving in the morning we were all having health tests. Waiting in a line for my blood test I was so scared, needles are definitely my biggest fear. My turn. I looked away. The doctor was amazing, I didn’t feel a thing!
We then went to try on uniform. I picked a size 8 up. Putting it on I remember thinking, why am i losing so much weight, it almost hung from my hips. My ribs were starting to show.. this wasnt me. I wasnt trying to loose weight?
Day 3. As I was sitting an exam a lady came in to get me (this is strange) I was told my blood results had come back and they needed to re test me. I was put in a taxi and sent to the doctors house.
(I was now extremely nervous.. what could it be? My pancreas was screaming at me louder than it had ever been.)
I walked in. The doctor and his assistant told me I had ketones in my blood which pointed towards me being diabetic
(oh no that dreaded word again.. I guess I kind of knew.)
They took my blood again and asked to take a urine sample. I said I’d not long been but I’d try. (Of course I could go again. If there was one thing I could do at the moment it was pee on demand) that was tested and of course it came back that I was diabetic!
They said it was unusual not to have symptoms.. I said I was. Weeing all of the time, drinking pints and pints of water, my weight was just falling off. A tear came to my eye. (What now?) they told me it was nothing to worry about, I would be sorted and feeling normal again soon. They got in touch with my hospital to send over the findings and sent me back to the training centre. Once there I told the receptionist and got a taxi back to the hostel.
______________________________
I rang my parents and completely broke down. (I was in the middle of london, hours away from my family, I’d just found out I was diabetic. The only thing I knew for sure was that it would change the rest of my life.)
I was told I couldn’t go on the cruise ships any more. I felt even further back from step one. Like someone had punched right through my stomach, my heart ached. My parents rang the school to speak to my brother who said he wanted to go with them to get me.
I spoke to my Nans, Grandad and Aunties on the phone (including my fake auntie) while waiting for my family to arrive.
My cousin has diabetes. His Mum told me I would get through it, as awful as it is at the moment, this is the first step to getting my life back!
My parents arrived. My Mum came up to help me with my bag (Men weren’t allowed on the floor I was on) we got a McDonalds on the way to the hospital (it was a 2 hour drive. We joked this would be my last one. So I needed to enjoy it.)
Arriving at the hospital we didnt know where to go. We went to reception who told us the way, a lady was already waiting for us, she took us straight into a side room.
_______________________________
“Hi Danielle my names Diane. What do you know about diabetes?”.. It changes your life forever, it involves needles (I dont want it, what if i cant do it, why me? So many thoughts rushed through my head.. it’s the lowest I have ever felt.. I’m not the sort of person that feels sorry for myself. What now?)
I remembered my cousins big yellow and blue rucksack that I often saw sitting on the side at my nans. Those few children at school that carried Mars bars?
I was handed leaflets. Briefly explained that I would be visiting the adult clinic. That I would be going in for the next few days so I knew what to do and they could help me with any questions.
Before I went I was told to inject.
I sat frozen in the chair, getting hotter and hotter. (I can’t do it. I cant do it) Diane left the room worrying she was putting pressure on me. I told her I’d done it and decided I would try at home where I felt safer.
______________________________
At home I sat on the bed with my grey (glargine, long lasting) needle. I got myself so worked up. My Mum came to speak to me. My dad came to speak to me.
It took me over an hour to do that very first 10 units of glargine. I had never been so petrified.
The next few days completely blurred into one. I don’t remember much of it just that I was almost instantly feeling better. (I can’t believe I’d felt so poorly and still managed to carry on.) To begin with I was given an amount to inject for each meal, It wasn’t until around 6 months later counting carbohydrates was introduced.
_________________________
______________________________
At this point I realised I could do it! (I became more in tune with my body. I could hear my pancreas loud and clear. Never was it going to defeat me again. I rose up stronger than I’d ever been.) I was in control. I could do anything anyone else could do (With more planning of course.)
__________________________
♡
_
